Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
