It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
