I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
