Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
