I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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