well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
