Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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