Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize