My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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