let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
