Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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