Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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