sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
