Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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