i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
