my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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