My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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