So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
