Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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