she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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