Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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