i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
