While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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