She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
