the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
