seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
