On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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