You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
