is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
