I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
