i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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