carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
