apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
