When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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