then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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