I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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