ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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