You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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