just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
