Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she woke up with a sticky ear
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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