Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
