you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
