Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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