Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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