normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
