they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
