It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
