so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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