Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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