so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
they call him Oral-B. enough said
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
