normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
