She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
