Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
