yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
