the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
