whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
