I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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