His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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