Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
