before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
