Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i can't believe i had my finger in that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
