nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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