You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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