I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
