I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
