I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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