This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
