Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
