i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
