i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
