those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
