I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
