I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize