remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am midnight drunk by noon
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
