Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
