my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
