I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
