Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
