My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
