Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
