Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
